Fries Anyone?

Why is it that when a mom tries so hard to be a "good mom" that she gets kicked in the rear from her own children... over and over again, and yet she goes back for more?  I felt just that way tonight when SB and I took one of our children out for dinner for a burger.  We were having fun, ordering drinks, eating pimento cheese fries, indulging ourselves at the bar.  Would this have been the place I would have picked for a Saturday night dinner?  Well, no, but because our one child came home for the weekend from college, we thought we'd let her pick the place.  Actually, I always let the children pick the place, because I want them to feel special, loved, and, well, indulged.  So we end up at a "hip" burger joint in Decatur, one that serves grass-fed beef.  I've never really had this before, never really needed to try it.  Five Guys is good enough for me, and since I only eat a burger about once every six months or so, I thought it would be good to try.

After getting a lot of food, and agreeing to share the fries that came in my combo dinner since SB didn't get any fries, I offered some to the child with us and SB.  Instead of a "no thank you" or "sure, I'd love some," I was rebuked by the child for  offering the fries.  This was something that had occurred over and over in our most recent 2 week trip to Spain.  You see, I have a thing about wanting to make sure my kids get the best part of something and enough of it.  It's something I do, something I learned from my own parents, who always let me and my siblings choose first.  It's a consideration thing; it's putting one's self beneath the other and letting the other get his/her own way first.  I know plenty of people who wouldn't do this for their children, but I do it, all the time, and it's because it was modeled for me. 

I didn't grow up with a lot, and going out for a meal was always a treat.  I recall that my parents, even though money was tight, would encourage me to order what I wanted.  I usually ordered the most expensive thing on the menu:  Steak and Lobster, though I could never eat it all, and many times, didn't really want the steak.  I believe it used to cost around $15 or so; that was a lot back in the '70's.  Even though I knew it was a lot for them, I still ordered it.  I wonder how it made my parents feel?  Did they regret letting me choose whatever I wanted?  Did they get less because I got more? 

In any case, instead of gratitude, I've been getting a slap in the face, an ungrateful response, such as tonight..."Mom, don't ask me that any more; I don't want you to push food on me; I don't want any of your fries!"  That type of response is just plain hurtful to me, and it exemplifies the ultimate in selfishness and self-centeredness in a child.  I wasn't trying to "push" food on my child, and my kids don't understand this.  In the Asian culture, and in my upbringing, it was always essential that when we cooked a dinner or made a meal that there was enough food for everyone, more food than needed.  Perhaps it stems from the fact that my father experienced real hunger when he was a child, and so he wanted to make sure we children had enough.  But I think it's more than that; I think it's a way to show deference and respect and selflessness to offer the other the best part and to make sure the other person was filled to satisfaction.  Perhaps my being a "good mom" should involve less sacrifice and more selfishness; perhaps my children knowing a "lack" of something could actually be of help in their becoming more gracious, selfless, and respectful human beings in the long run.

I may never know, but you can bet I'll never offer this child french fries again.