We're back in the grind, and I can't get to sleep. This is my life... at 3:00 a.m., and I'm blogging, because I have so much on my mind that I just can't stop thinking, or tossing and turning in the bed, so I might as well be here typing away about things that are important to me.
I told a friend that if I could do what I really wanted to do with my life that I'd be in Italy or France, learning how to cook, becoming an expert wine-taster, or creating travel opportunities for myself and others. She asked me why I wasn't doing that, then, the thing I "really" wanted to do.
There's such a simple answer to that: I am doing what I want to do, at least, what I have always wanted to do which is to have a family and raise children and, consequently, develop a part of myself I otherwise would never have even experienced. Trying to raise these four children in this city can be such a tough job; but at the same time, it can be rewarding. Don't get me wrong, not on a day to day basis.... NO, not a chance! But every so often, just as it was when I was teaching Jr. High and High School, you find an oyster and open it up and find a pearl inside. Same as being a mom. You get a gem dropped into your palm every once in a while, like when your daughter writes a sweet note of thanks and gratitude saying she couldn't be who she was without you. Now that kind of gift goes a LONG way!
I drove nearly two hours today, picking carpool kids up from school, dropping them off at their respective homes, taking kids to volleyball and tennis; that time doesn't include getting groceries, making dinner, cleaning up.... you know, the routine. So I didn't have too much time today to get to the other stuff that's important: Work, Paying Bills, Cleaning the House. Is that what I dreamed of in my younger days? Well, yes, I guess. It's the day to day sacrifice of myself that has been the element which has shaped who I am, and it has given me the chance to grow in a way that I otherwise would never have grown. Do I always love it? Absolutely not! There's no tangible compensation for all this work, yet I would always choose this path again if I had to do it over again.
So we're back in school, in our real world, and I'm sure I'll pull some all nighters again someday soon!
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1 comment:
Well, I have found your blog now, and I so enjoyed it perusing it! I have read ALL of your entires. I even looked at your book recommendations and think I will try The Help. I printed your recipe for Chicken Marbella (though I might try picking all chicken legs, or breasts - to avoid your disaster!). So, after a couple of short weeks blogging you have already made a difference for at least one mom! Love you and enjoyed lunch! Beth
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